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Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday. ... A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of." ... The congregation of 500 members only has seven last names in the church directory. ... people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy. ... the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub. ... the collection plates are hubcaps from a '56 Chevy. ... instead of bells, you are called to service by a duck call. ... the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks. ... the communion wine is Boone's Farm "Strawberry Hill". ... that "Thou shall not covet" thing applies to huntin' dogs, too.This one is compliments of Earl JohnA young couple, were just back from their honeymoon, and settling in to a life of married bliss when ... The first Monday morning back, the young wife suddenly slaps her husband, very hard, as they lay there sleeping. While they. ‘Good sense of balance, there, buddy... ‘ she groaned as she felt the beast step off her back.“Glumk!” it replied, then using its clawed forearms, it reached down to turn her over, exposing Miranda’s bleeding breasts and belly, torn and scratched from her rough landing. Once she was on her backside, the raptor stepped on her again, its claws digging into her upper thighs as well as her pelvis to insure its meal wouldn’t try to run again.Miranda shrieked as her belly was torn open by a clawed foot, and continued to scream as sharp teeth and claws eagerly tore into her soft, delicious body. Her pain and sexual arousal mixed, giving her an incredible series of orgasms before she was too torn apart to feel anything. The last thing she felt was her legs being grabbed in painfully sharp-toothed muzzles, one leg by each raptor, then she was split apart like a giant, blood gushing wishbone in a mind-rending orgasm as her consciousness spiraled down into darkness.‘It’s mainly a mental process,.
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